Relationship Advice: One Principle

So what do you do when your man is not acting nice to you? If he is inattentive, flaking on you and avoids the talk of a relationship… what should you do?

Like I started explaining in the post on relationship advice for women, when a guy gives you this kind of behavior you need to address it with assertive and confident observations.

Tell him in a calm but firm way that his distant behavior is not what you want in a relationship… that it!

If you say it as simple as I explained it will have a bigger impact than when you go on a drama ride explaining what is wrong and talking about his issues and how they really hurt you.

This would be whining and pressuring him into behaving in another way without giving him a choice.

The Most Effective Way Of Dealing with Problems

I have seen hundreds of strategies (or lack of strategies) that women take with men and the best way to handle these relationship problems is with a short, assertive and calm approach. This approach has the biggest impact when you want your man to grow closer to you.

Yo… Don’t Be Needy!

The thing is that most women can’t help their feelings in this kind of situation. When guys don’t communicate their feelings to a woman, she tends to fill that conversational gap… so she tells him everything about her that she wants to know about him. Thinking that your verbally expressed love and desire can make him talk about it is not going to work and its counterproductive like I explained in the article about how to make a guy like you.

Talking like this will be interpreted as pressuring him into a relationship or a deeper commitment that he might not be ready for. This is what most women do to guys, trying to covertly pressure him into a relationship and hoping that it sticks. This will work on some guys, but if you are dealing with a good catch that has other options it will most likely make him want to avoid this commitment.

Remember that some guys are not ready for commitment and that is why this kind of pressure doesn’t work. When you have a this scenario of big commitment in your head and make the man aware of that at the start of the relationship you will create an emotional gap between you and him. In each relationship there is someone that chases more than the other, one that leads a bit more… it is good to make the man think that he is the leader.

When you start leading and pacing to a higher commitment early on he will create this barrier by reflex. A man doesn’t know consciously… its just a natural reaction. Attractive women have the same with guys that chase them… it’s not male psychology… its human psychology.

Mutual Desire of Commitment

The desire for commitment in the relationship should be mutual and not it should have a natural feel to it. When either the woman or the man starts pressuring the side that gets pressure will have a tendency to have buyer’s remorse later on. Pressuring is not the right thing… not for a woman and not for a man.

There is a big difference between a happy and naturally evolving relationship and a relationship where one person imposes her desires and demands that the guy is responsible for making your desires true.

This is being needy at its worst state, because you are projecting neediness into the full length of the relationship and that is going to be an unhappy time for him. When you do this you trigger the guys “stay single” reaction… and when a man feels that his life is better, easier and happier when he is uncommitted or in a causal relationship… then you are gone.

The other side of this is that when a man does stay and he doesn’t seem to be totally happy he is staying with you because he thinks it’s the best choice. Maybe he thinks he “should” be in a relationship because of social and peer pressure, maybe he is afraid to be alone and thinks he cant get anyone else, etc. This whole situation is based on fear and negative emotions and this is not a good way to solidify your relationship.

When a real man is boxed into a situation like this, what do you think he will do? He might be in doubt for a while… but when he gets to his senses, what do you think he will do?

When men feel boxed in and have a feeling that they will have more freedom or less work when they are single they will avoid a more committed relationship. I know about this attitude because I have lived it… and this is a generic characteristic of men!

Even if you are very close to him and have a great connection, you still have to spend a lot of time with him until he starts thinking about a long term relationship. Although you should not pressure for a more committed relationship you can and should show that real commitment is something important for you. Remember that this has to be done in a non needy way and by not putting pressure on him. If you want to know how to solve relationship problems, want him to commit to a more serious relationship check out the next article. Any comments or questions? Then don’t hesitate to leave a comment!